Sunday, April 23, 2006
God Save The WWE
With Backlash only a week away, it's no surprise that Vince McMahon has pulled out all the stops to keep the post-WrestleMania momentum going. Moving Edge back to the main event was a sensible move, and the 3-way promos have been some of the interesting and dynamic segments in WWE in a long time. Some would say (ok, I said all along) that the Triple Threat Match scheduled for Backlash should have actually headlined Mania after Edge's meteoric rise to the top, and would have ensured a smooth title change from Edge to HHH. The way it eventually went down, HHH got another chance to do his yearly Mania job, then come out the next night and say, "We all know it's my title anyway". At least they've stumbled across the unique Cena reactions, and allowed the three of them to write their own promo scripts. Let that be a precedent - someone like Shelton Benjamin shouldn't be coming out and reciting some lame material written by a 23-yr-old Hollywood writer; it just doesn't work in 2006.
The so-called main event, however, is quickly becoming overshadowed by other characters. Namely, Shawn Michaels, Vince and Shane McMahon and the biggest superstar of them all. Yes, that's right; God. They've gone and booked God in a tag team match at Backlash. There are two possible reasons for this clinically insane move: either they're having a bit of fun, or they seriously expect people to pay $35 to see God make his in-ring debut. I was prepared to accept the former argument (the McMahon family prayer at WrestleMania was brilliant, and I burst out laughing when Vince announced the tag team match), until this week's deranged promo - the birth of McMahonism. You see, Vince LIVES his gimmick. In real life, he likes to think of himself as the man who single handedly killed WCW, took over American wrestling, created Hulk Hogan, The Rock and Stone Cold and changed the face of sports entertainment all by himself. Oh, and the man who "brought the US Government to its knees". So when he does his exaggerated duck walk to the ring and launches his own religion, you have to question how tongue-in-cheek it really is. WWE.COM has a graphic up saying, "My Son, My Son", and a picture of McMahon looking wretched. Apparently he's sending Shane into battle in London, England this Monday against Michaels and God. In other words, forsaking his son. This is one angle where most people are refusing to simply laugh at the irony, and are aiming staunch criticism in McMahon's direction. A Danish newspaper has even been moved to comment (If it's not one thing with them, it's another). Unfortunately, McMahon gets a kick out of negative publicity, and will probably book God and McMahonism for months to give his critics a royal FU. The same man who forgot how to book the nWo, put a wig on Goldberg, booked WCW as a joke, exploits everyone's personal problems (except his own), wastes months with the Diva Search then fires the contestants when they get over, and can't be bothered bring back Stacy Keibler (last seen being cruelly Punk'd in front of an audience that dwarves those of RAW or Smackdown). Since WrestleMania X-7 five long years ago, his company has yet to permanently regain the form of the late Nineties. How on earth is a PPV match with God going to change that? He can throw in all the fire and lightning he wants (and the segment on RAW was a magnificent build for God's debut), but no-one in their right mind is going to stump up cash for a match they know they can't physically see. That's like forcing your Tough Enough contestants to dress like women and prance around in...oh sorry, they've already done that.
Wig: Goldberg
Over on Smackdown, Rey Mysterio is now getting booed by smartasses in the crowd. This really annoys me. I don't if it's something against Mysterio (he does look a little odd carrying around a Heavyweight title), or if he's just another victim of the culture of disrespect sweeping the world. You see it when 2 or 3 people inexplicably boo Matt Hardy on Smackdown; when some twat boos every word Christian says on TNA Impact; when the likes of Kurt Angle and Sting get booed every week. I've noticed this increasingly over the past two or three months, and it's getting on my nerves. Why can't people just go to a show and show a little respect? Why do they have to defy normality and rationality just to show off? Mysterio's title reign will go down the drain if the London crowd turns on him, and given the traditional British TV Taping audience (ie. smarks who think they've "worked out" Cena and Mysterio), I fear for his chances. Still, he and Angle should have a great match. Pity that Benoit vs. Finlay has been moved to next week so London can bear witness to Lashley vs. Mark Henry. Could be a long night for the Colorado Springs, Colorado native.
WWE Communications Snafu of the Week: The pillocks at Stamford have no idea if Stacy Keibler is coming to Belfast or not. On Easter Sunday (probably promted by God, as preparation for his tag match), The Belfast Telegraph reported Stacy as appearing this Tuedsay at a signing session in Eason's. Thing is, she hasn't been seen at a WWE event since September, and it would be improbably stupid to bar her from WrestleMania and then send her to Northern Ireland to meet a few dozen people. Although it would also be giving something back to the fans - remember that concept Vince? Anyway, HMV then claimed she would be there on Wedneday signing books with Rey Mysterio, a claim later retracted by their website. To cut a long story short, she'll probably not be there, and is unlikely ever to appear with the WWE again. And I live near Belfast. Pity, that. If she happens to turn up after all, and I'm not there, the WWE will never hear the end of it. They can't expect me to book train and boat tickets and one night's accommodation, on the off chance they can bother their asses flying her over. Shoddy, Vince. Plain shoddy. I'll remember that when you're booking a Giant Khali & Mark Henry vs. Jesus & Moses match at Armageddon.
The so-called main event, however, is quickly becoming overshadowed by other characters. Namely, Shawn Michaels, Vince and Shane McMahon and the biggest superstar of them all. Yes, that's right; God. They've gone and booked God in a tag team match at Backlash. There are two possible reasons for this clinically insane move: either they're having a bit of fun, or they seriously expect people to pay $35 to see God make his in-ring debut. I was prepared to accept the former argument (the McMahon family prayer at WrestleMania was brilliant, and I burst out laughing when Vince announced the tag team match), until this week's deranged promo - the birth of McMahonism. You see, Vince LIVES his gimmick. In real life, he likes to think of himself as the man who single handedly killed WCW, took over American wrestling, created Hulk Hogan, The Rock and Stone Cold and changed the face of sports entertainment all by himself. Oh, and the man who "brought the US Government to its knees". So when he does his exaggerated duck walk to the ring and launches his own religion, you have to question how tongue-in-cheek it really is. WWE.COM has a graphic up saying, "My Son, My Son", and a picture of McMahon looking wretched. Apparently he's sending Shane into battle in London, England this Monday against Michaels and God. In other words, forsaking his son. This is one angle where most people are refusing to simply laugh at the irony, and are aiming staunch criticism in McMahon's direction. A Danish newspaper has even been moved to comment (If it's not one thing with them, it's another). Unfortunately, McMahon gets a kick out of negative publicity, and will probably book God and McMahonism for months to give his critics a royal FU. The same man who forgot how to book the nWo, put a wig on Goldberg, booked WCW as a joke, exploits everyone's personal problems (except his own), wastes months with the Diva Search then fires the contestants when they get over, and can't be bothered bring back Stacy Keibler (last seen being cruelly Punk'd in front of an audience that dwarves those of RAW or Smackdown). Since WrestleMania X-7 five long years ago, his company has yet to permanently regain the form of the late Nineties. How on earth is a PPV match with God going to change that? He can throw in all the fire and lightning he wants (and the segment on RAW was a magnificent build for God's debut), but no-one in their right mind is going to stump up cash for a match they know they can't physically see. That's like forcing your Tough Enough contestants to dress like women and prance around in...oh sorry, they've already done that.
Wig: Goldberg
Over on Smackdown, Rey Mysterio is now getting booed by smartasses in the crowd. This really annoys me. I don't if it's something against Mysterio (he does look a little odd carrying around a Heavyweight title), or if he's just another victim of the culture of disrespect sweeping the world. You see it when 2 or 3 people inexplicably boo Matt Hardy on Smackdown; when some twat boos every word Christian says on TNA Impact; when the likes of Kurt Angle and Sting get booed every week. I've noticed this increasingly over the past two or three months, and it's getting on my nerves. Why can't people just go to a show and show a little respect? Why do they have to defy normality and rationality just to show off? Mysterio's title reign will go down the drain if the London crowd turns on him, and given the traditional British TV Taping audience (ie. smarks who think they've "worked out" Cena and Mysterio), I fear for his chances. Still, he and Angle should have a great match. Pity that Benoit vs. Finlay has been moved to next week so London can bear witness to Lashley vs. Mark Henry. Could be a long night for the Colorado Springs, Colorado native.
WWE Communications Snafu of the Week: The pillocks at Stamford have no idea if Stacy Keibler is coming to Belfast or not. On Easter Sunday (probably promted by God, as preparation for his tag match), The Belfast Telegraph reported Stacy as appearing this Tuedsay at a signing session in Eason's. Thing is, she hasn't been seen at a WWE event since September, and it would be improbably stupid to bar her from WrestleMania and then send her to Northern Ireland to meet a few dozen people. Although it would also be giving something back to the fans - remember that concept Vince? Anyway, HMV then claimed she would be there on Wedneday signing books with Rey Mysterio, a claim later retracted by their website. To cut a long story short, she'll probably not be there, and is unlikely ever to appear with the WWE again. And I live near Belfast. Pity, that. If she happens to turn up after all, and I'm not there, the WWE will never hear the end of it. They can't expect me to book train and boat tickets and one night's accommodation, on the off chance they can bother their asses flying her over. Shoddy, Vince. Plain shoddy. I'll remember that when you're booking a Giant Khali & Mark Henry vs. Jesus & Moses match at Armageddon.
Friday, April 07, 2006
Cena dethrones Conan
WrestleMania Big Time Countdown: - 5 days.
One word. Wow.
This year's WrestleMania extravaganza was always going to be unique. The babyface WWE Champion getting the most boos going into the event; The emotion over Eddie Guerrero still raw, still being exploited; the prospect of a Vince Mcmahon vs. Shawn Michaels match with no Bret Hart interference; The Boogeyman. And notably, the last minute inclusion of Good Ol' JR. But I don't think anyone could have predicted events to transpire quite the way they did. One way or another, the WWE served up an event that will live long in the memory of wrestling fans.
*Warning - contains RAW spoilers. Anyone who doesn't want to know the results - get out now*
Michelle Williams of ex-Destiny's Child fame started the show with a rendition of America the Beautiful. Any celebrity endorsement they can get is a good thing.
Big Show & Kane def. Chris Masters to retain the World Tag Team Championships. This was a good little opener, but I was highly disappointed at the result, feeling that Carlito's momentum had been squandered yet again. Of course, it all made sense the next night on RAW, as the Spirit Squad shocked the world by felling the giants, and Carlito finally turned face on Masters. It's very important that they give Carlito a chance now, and don't book him into the ground. It was clear to see he was one of the more popular wrestlers in Chiacgo.
RVD won the Money in the Bank Ladder Match. An out and out spotfest, unsurprisingly. Props go to Hardy, Flair and Benjamin for their ridiculous bumps, and RVD, Lashley and Finlay were also on fire. Flair shouldn't be let anywhere near a ladder though: the man is 57 years old, for goodness sake. Interesting to see when RVD cashes in the proverbial cheque - after his promo on RAW, it could well be at ECW's One Night Stand. That would be an occasion. RVD-HHH in the Hammerstein Ballroom would have an unbelievable atmosphere. Come to think of it, RVD-Cena would be even louder.
On Fire: Finlay
The Hall of Fame inductees were out next. I guess Bret still isn't comfortable about an on-screen return, despite the fact that the Hall of Fame was broadcast live the night before. Each to their own. The reaction for Eddie was a special moment.
JBL def. Chris Benoit to win the US Championship. Good match. I'm not comfortable with heels exploiting Eddie Guerrero's mannerisms for cheap heat, but I presume Benoit agreed to it beforehand. JBL is a perfect choice for US Champion, occupying the upper-midcard heel spot he should have had all along.
Edge def. Mick Foley in a Hardcore Match. A classic. Anyone who doubted whether Foley had a memorable WrestleMania match left in him is too cynical for my liking. As I exclusively predicted, Lita looked superb standing at ringside for 20 minutes (shock horror). Foley praised her role in the match in his very own blog, proving that she does indeed rule. The image of Edge and Foley flying through the ropes into the burning table will not be forgotten for a long time. This match cemented Edge's main event credentials, and was probably the reason he was promoted to the Cena-HHH angle on RAW. About time, I say. The addition of Joey Styles at the commentary box was also welcome, as he never should have been unceremoniusly ditched from Mania in the first place.
Booker T and Sharmell participated in a hilarious backstage segment with Paul Birchill, Snitsky, Mae Young, Eugene, Ted Dibiase and Goldust. It was great to see BookDust reunited for one night only, and they should do FAR more of these comedic segments. Just leave Mae Young out of them in future.
Boogeyman def. Booker T & Sharmell. Boogeyman needs to learn more moves in OVW. That is all.
Mickie James def. Trish Stratus to win Women's Championship. A very good match. This is where the crowd got interesting. They had previously booed Big Show, Hardy and Lashley for assaulting Carlito, RVD and Flair respectively, but the reactions were far from deafening. However, in an attempt to wake themselves up from the Boogeyman match, they proceeded to cheer the frig out of Mickie James, the heel. This made the match even more entertaining, but presented a clear problem - Trish, the babyface, was promptly booed put of the building for the first time in her career. Jerry "The King" Lawler, thinking on his feet, called the fans "physchos", which is a wonderful way to sell tickets for future WWE live events. The ending was unfortunately botched, but it didn't matter - Mickie won convincingly, and is the WWE's best female character since they forgot how to book Lita as a face.
Undertaker def. Mark Henry in a Casket Match. Simple but effective. I told you the match would exceed everyone's low expectations, and it did. Take's dive over the top rope was spectacular for a 44-yr-old 300-pounder, and the tombstone to Henry drew a collective gasp from the 17,000 sellout crowd. Of course, there was only going to be one winner.
Shawn Michaels def. Vincent Kennedy McMahon in a No Holds Barred Match. Quality action from start to finish, which was the only way they were going to drown out the "We Want Bret" chants. Similar to the Casket Match, everyone expected a stinker and was pleasantly surprised. Vince usually has entertaining matches on PPV, and Michaels gave another classic WrestleMania performance. Not sure that all the DX mannerisms are in correlation with his religious beliefs, though.
Rey Mystero def. Randy Orton & Kurt Angle to win the World Heavyweight Championship. This is where the booking, which had previously been flawless, started to go off the rails. They gave this match 9 minutes, Yes, that's right - 9 (NINE) minutes for the World Heavyweight Championship match at WrestleMania, featuring three of the greatest performers in modern-day wrestling. And to top it all, the crowd turned on Mysterio. A few months ago this would have been unthinkable, as Mysetrio was the one person in the company who I never saw receiving any boos. Once agin, it started as ferverent pro-Angle support, and gardually degenerated into anti-Mysterio hatred. Not that it had much time to adapt, as they were only give nine frigging minutes. In the midst of all this, Orton was receiving less and less heat (with the booing inexplicably transferred to Mysterio), and the Chiacgo crowd actually booed the 619 and West Coast Pop delivered on the nine minute mark. There was no time for anything more, of course, so Mysterio won the belt, hoisted it above his head (it's almost as big as him), and rushed to the ramp to be congratulated by Chavo and Vickie. And in a flash, it was all over. I sure hope his title reign is more successful than this suggested, as it was a heck of a half-hearted coronation. No pyros, no ticker tape. Just a remarkably split crowd, not knowing whether to boo or cheer the underdog and long-time friend of Eddie Guerrero. The bookers had a tough job ruining the babyface character of Rey Mysterio, but it looks like they've almost managed it.
After that, the Toronto-esque crowd (ie. littered with internet smarts who still think it's cool to boo all the faces) were not in the best of moods. When John Cena appeared on their screens in a backstage segment, they darned near flipped. But that was to be expected - Cena has been booed before and he'll be booed again. But the show was nearing its conclusion and needed a fitting main event. Which led us nicely to...
Torrie Wilson def. Candice Michelle in a Playboy Pillow Fight. Oh dear. Someone forgot to tell Vince how to book the order of his matches. Anyone who saw WrestleMania X-8 will remember the way Jazz, Lita and Trish wrestled in front of a slient crowd, who had just seen the spectacle of Rock-Hogan and were waiting for the Jericho vs. Triple H title match.
John Cena def. HHH to retain the WWE Championship. After all of that, this could have been disasterous. Luckily, it was captivating. The internet smarks (last seeing booing that despicable scumbag, Rey Mysterio) were so anti-Cena that it actually galvanised the Cena fans, and the result was one of the most heated matches I've ever seen in the WWE. The atmosphere was quite simple incredible, and the company have somehow stumbled across the hottest gimmick in wrestling today. Not by design, of course (the last time WWE booked a gimmick to its full potential Osama bin Laden was trying to find fame on the Afghan Big Brother), as WWE booked Cena lousily by moving him to the RAW brand, away from the Chain Gang-supporting children of Smackdown, and took away the edge from his previously cool gimmick. But WWE now features the most unpopular babyface champion in wrestling history. This produces main events unlike anything else you'll see in professional wrestling, and the Mania match with Triple H was nothing short of unforgettable, as the crowd cheered and booed Cena and the Game with unbelievable vigour. A word of warning to HHH, though - in future, don't cut the Smackdown World Title match to 9 (NINE) minutes by dressing up as Conan the Barbarian on a throne. It makes you look like a fool. The match itself was basic at best, but then, so was Hogan-Rock and the crowd turned that into a legendary encounter. Cena shocked the world by defeating the King of Kings (presumbaly postponing his coronation to Backlash), and the crowd's intensity at the end almost made up for their ludircous actions earlier. Cena is now establised as a face who most people hate, but who keeps on digging deep for the most remarkable victories in the face of adversity. In a weird sort of way, this character could draw. The buyrate and crowd reactions for the Cena-HHH-Edge main event at Backlash will be very interesting, and wherever they go from here, they have accidentally created their hottest character in a long, long time.
All that's left is for me to reward the superstar who put in the patented Performance of the Week, and it can only go to one person - Stacy Keibler. You see, she did she smart thing not going to Chicago. The way things were going, she probably would have been booed out of the bulding as well, and treated to chants of "You Sold Out". Much in the same way Brock Lesnar was told he "Sold Out" when he left a multi-million dollar contract to earn peanuts in the NFL reserve team. Funny game, wrestling.
One word. Wow.
This year's WrestleMania extravaganza was always going to be unique. The babyface WWE Champion getting the most boos going into the event; The emotion over Eddie Guerrero still raw, still being exploited; the prospect of a Vince Mcmahon vs. Shawn Michaels match with no Bret Hart interference; The Boogeyman. And notably, the last minute inclusion of Good Ol' JR. But I don't think anyone could have predicted events to transpire quite the way they did. One way or another, the WWE served up an event that will live long in the memory of wrestling fans.
*Warning - contains RAW spoilers. Anyone who doesn't want to know the results - get out now*
Michelle Williams of ex-Destiny's Child fame started the show with a rendition of America the Beautiful. Any celebrity endorsement they can get is a good thing.
Big Show & Kane def. Chris Masters to retain the World Tag Team Championships. This was a good little opener, but I was highly disappointed at the result, feeling that Carlito's momentum had been squandered yet again. Of course, it all made sense the next night on RAW, as the Spirit Squad shocked the world by felling the giants, and Carlito finally turned face on Masters. It's very important that they give Carlito a chance now, and don't book him into the ground. It was clear to see he was one of the more popular wrestlers in Chiacgo.
RVD won the Money in the Bank Ladder Match. An out and out spotfest, unsurprisingly. Props go to Hardy, Flair and Benjamin for their ridiculous bumps, and RVD, Lashley and Finlay were also on fire. Flair shouldn't be let anywhere near a ladder though: the man is 57 years old, for goodness sake. Interesting to see when RVD cashes in the proverbial cheque - after his promo on RAW, it could well be at ECW's One Night Stand. That would be an occasion. RVD-HHH in the Hammerstein Ballroom would have an unbelievable atmosphere. Come to think of it, RVD-Cena would be even louder.
On Fire: Finlay
The Hall of Fame inductees were out next. I guess Bret still isn't comfortable about an on-screen return, despite the fact that the Hall of Fame was broadcast live the night before. Each to their own. The reaction for Eddie was a special moment.
JBL def. Chris Benoit to win the US Championship. Good match. I'm not comfortable with heels exploiting Eddie Guerrero's mannerisms for cheap heat, but I presume Benoit agreed to it beforehand. JBL is a perfect choice for US Champion, occupying the upper-midcard heel spot he should have had all along.
Edge def. Mick Foley in a Hardcore Match. A classic. Anyone who doubted whether Foley had a memorable WrestleMania match left in him is too cynical for my liking. As I exclusively predicted, Lita looked superb standing at ringside for 20 minutes (shock horror). Foley praised her role in the match in his very own blog, proving that she does indeed rule. The image of Edge and Foley flying through the ropes into the burning table will not be forgotten for a long time. This match cemented Edge's main event credentials, and was probably the reason he was promoted to the Cena-HHH angle on RAW. About time, I say. The addition of Joey Styles at the commentary box was also welcome, as he never should have been unceremoniusly ditched from Mania in the first place.
Booker T and Sharmell participated in a hilarious backstage segment with Paul Birchill, Snitsky, Mae Young, Eugene, Ted Dibiase and Goldust. It was great to see BookDust reunited for one night only, and they should do FAR more of these comedic segments. Just leave Mae Young out of them in future.
Boogeyman def. Booker T & Sharmell. Boogeyman needs to learn more moves in OVW. That is all.
Mickie James def. Trish Stratus to win Women's Championship. A very good match. This is where the crowd got interesting. They had previously booed Big Show, Hardy and Lashley for assaulting Carlito, RVD and Flair respectively, but the reactions were far from deafening. However, in an attempt to wake themselves up from the Boogeyman match, they proceeded to cheer the frig out of Mickie James, the heel. This made the match even more entertaining, but presented a clear problem - Trish, the babyface, was promptly booed put of the building for the first time in her career. Jerry "The King" Lawler, thinking on his feet, called the fans "physchos", which is a wonderful way to sell tickets for future WWE live events. The ending was unfortunately botched, but it didn't matter - Mickie won convincingly, and is the WWE's best female character since they forgot how to book Lita as a face.
Undertaker def. Mark Henry in a Casket Match. Simple but effective. I told you the match would exceed everyone's low expectations, and it did. Take's dive over the top rope was spectacular for a 44-yr-old 300-pounder, and the tombstone to Henry drew a collective gasp from the 17,000 sellout crowd. Of course, there was only going to be one winner.
Shawn Michaels def. Vincent Kennedy McMahon in a No Holds Barred Match. Quality action from start to finish, which was the only way they were going to drown out the "We Want Bret" chants. Similar to the Casket Match, everyone expected a stinker and was pleasantly surprised. Vince usually has entertaining matches on PPV, and Michaels gave another classic WrestleMania performance. Not sure that all the DX mannerisms are in correlation with his religious beliefs, though.
Rey Mystero def. Randy Orton & Kurt Angle to win the World Heavyweight Championship. This is where the booking, which had previously been flawless, started to go off the rails. They gave this match 9 minutes, Yes, that's right - 9 (NINE) minutes for the World Heavyweight Championship match at WrestleMania, featuring three of the greatest performers in modern-day wrestling. And to top it all, the crowd turned on Mysterio. A few months ago this would have been unthinkable, as Mysetrio was the one person in the company who I never saw receiving any boos. Once agin, it started as ferverent pro-Angle support, and gardually degenerated into anti-Mysterio hatred. Not that it had much time to adapt, as they were only give nine frigging minutes. In the midst of all this, Orton was receiving less and less heat (with the booing inexplicably transferred to Mysterio), and the Chiacgo crowd actually booed the 619 and West Coast Pop delivered on the nine minute mark. There was no time for anything more, of course, so Mysterio won the belt, hoisted it above his head (it's almost as big as him), and rushed to the ramp to be congratulated by Chavo and Vickie. And in a flash, it was all over. I sure hope his title reign is more successful than this suggested, as it was a heck of a half-hearted coronation. No pyros, no ticker tape. Just a remarkably split crowd, not knowing whether to boo or cheer the underdog and long-time friend of Eddie Guerrero. The bookers had a tough job ruining the babyface character of Rey Mysterio, but it looks like they've almost managed it.
After that, the Toronto-esque crowd (ie. littered with internet smarts who still think it's cool to boo all the faces) were not in the best of moods. When John Cena appeared on their screens in a backstage segment, they darned near flipped. But that was to be expected - Cena has been booed before and he'll be booed again. But the show was nearing its conclusion and needed a fitting main event. Which led us nicely to...
Torrie Wilson def. Candice Michelle in a Playboy Pillow Fight. Oh dear. Someone forgot to tell Vince how to book the order of his matches. Anyone who saw WrestleMania X-8 will remember the way Jazz, Lita and Trish wrestled in front of a slient crowd, who had just seen the spectacle of Rock-Hogan and were waiting for the Jericho vs. Triple H title match.
Rule # 48 of professional wrestling: DO NOT, under any circumstances, sandwich two non-wrestlers between the two main events. The crowd will almost certainly turn on the match.And they did. About 30 seconds in, we were treated to a "BORING" chant, as Wilson and Michelle fumbled their way about the ring in a match that looked like it had been put together by Stevie Wonder after a night out with John Leslie. It's not really the women's fault - they were put in the position by the clinically insane WWE scriptwriters, who didn't even have the common sense to place this earlier in the card. The only thing that could have saved this debacle was the Stacy Keibler return, but they couldn't even be bothered booking that. Even when a good idea (and publicity coup) stares them in the face, they can't bring themselves to book logical angles. When Candice buried Stacy in her RAW promo last month, what purpose did it serve? If she's not being brought back (and after Mania, I severely doubt it), it was utterly pointless in a business sense. And Vince, after all, prides himself on being a good businessman. With Keibler absent this was an utter waste of time, and reinforced that you can't build your hopes up too much where WWE are involved.
John Cena def. HHH to retain the WWE Championship. After all of that, this could have been disasterous. Luckily, it was captivating. The internet smarks (last seeing booing that despicable scumbag, Rey Mysterio) were so anti-Cena that it actually galvanised the Cena fans, and the result was one of the most heated matches I've ever seen in the WWE. The atmosphere was quite simple incredible, and the company have somehow stumbled across the hottest gimmick in wrestling today. Not by design, of course (the last time WWE booked a gimmick to its full potential Osama bin Laden was trying to find fame on the Afghan Big Brother), as WWE booked Cena lousily by moving him to the RAW brand, away from the Chain Gang-supporting children of Smackdown, and took away the edge from his previously cool gimmick. But WWE now features the most unpopular babyface champion in wrestling history. This produces main events unlike anything else you'll see in professional wrestling, and the Mania match with Triple H was nothing short of unforgettable, as the crowd cheered and booed Cena and the Game with unbelievable vigour. A word of warning to HHH, though - in future, don't cut the Smackdown World Title match to 9 (NINE) minutes by dressing up as Conan the Barbarian on a throne. It makes you look like a fool. The match itself was basic at best, but then, so was Hogan-Rock and the crowd turned that into a legendary encounter. Cena shocked the world by defeating the King of Kings (presumbaly postponing his coronation to Backlash), and the crowd's intensity at the end almost made up for their ludircous actions earlier. Cena is now establised as a face who most people hate, but who keeps on digging deep for the most remarkable victories in the face of adversity. In a weird sort of way, this character could draw. The buyrate and crowd reactions for the Cena-HHH-Edge main event at Backlash will be very interesting, and wherever they go from here, they have accidentally created their hottest character in a long, long time.
All that's left is for me to reward the superstar who put in the patented Performance of the Week, and it can only go to one person - Stacy Keibler. You see, she did she smart thing not going to Chicago. The way things were going, she probably would have been booed out of the bulding as well, and treated to chants of "You Sold Out". Much in the same way Brock Lesnar was told he "Sold Out" when he left a multi-million dollar contract to earn peanuts in the NFL reserve team. Funny game, wrestling.
