Saturday, May 27, 2006
Cackdown
Against all my predictions, Judgment Day was a shockingly good PPV. Only two matches (Undertaker vs. Khali and possibly Jilian vs. Melina) weren't good, and some of the wrestling on show was superb. In fact, people have been referring to Smackdown as the better wrestling show for some time now, with the likes of Benoit, Angle and Finlay performing on a regular basis. But the problem isn't the technical ability, it's the complete lack of main event draws. A complete lack of main eventers, come to think of it. I doubt the show drew over 220,000 buys and, more worringly, I doubt it drew much over 140,000 American buys.
Seriously, if it wasn't for Europe and Australasia the company's financial structure would be in severe trouble. Instead, the share price has risen to its highest level since the Austin era and Vince McMahon is now a certified billionare once again. The same Vince McMahon who fires injured wrestlers, newlywed couples and pregnant women because he can't pay their wages. For the record, he ended the last fiscal year $47million richer. Enough to make you sick.
On the subject of Vince's questionable business decisions, what the frig is going on with Stacy Keibler? Since her pointless trade to Smackdown last summer, she's seemingly been phased out of the company, as if she can't play a valuable role on the floundering Friday Night farce. For two months all she did was nod to Batista backstage, a task that Melina could just as easily have carried out (I hear she and Batista have a good working relationship). Then there was the half-hearted attempt to cash in on the Jennifer Aniston love triangle, in the Peep Show angle with Christian and Jilian Hall. You've probably forgotten it ever happened. Yet again WWE had a home run sitting on their lap, and they still threw it out the window. After her job to Hall on the inconsequential Velocity, she disappeared from the company. Seemingly never to return. I'd like to remind Vince that Keibler remained one of the most over Divas in the company, despite the booking committee forgetting she exists. The same Vince McMahon who lambasts Eric Bischoff for the demise of WCW, forgets that Bischoff booked Keibler as a prominent and successful character for two whole years. Her wedding to David Flair was one of the most watched Nitro segments of the year (I know that's a bit like saying Jade Goody has just had one of her most stunning photoshoots), and she arrived in WWE already established as one of the most popular women in wrestling history. If anything, WWE buried her. Remember her endless string of jobs to Torrie Wilson? The appaling, never-ending mess involving Test and Scott Steiner? Sure, Stacy was given the occassional four minutes of airtime over the years, but the writing was so bad you often wished they hadn't bothered.
The argument that Stacy owes the WWE a debt of gratitude for bringing her to the dance (as posted by some prat on the internet) is laughable. The WWE didn't hand Stacy all the endorsements, magazine awards and premiere invites of the last year; Stacy aquired them herself. The WWE didn't negociate her 'Dancing With The Stars' contract; she did. In fact, all the WWE have ever done is pressure her to appear in Playboy every March. But while Candice Michelle is more than happy to head to Hugh Hefner's seedy ranch (and get practically molested by Vince every Monday night), Stacy has quietly decided enough is enough.
Keibler: Had enough
Her most recent quote that, "They hadn't written anything for me before Stars, so why should I think they will now?" is not arrogant, conceited or ungateful. It's what's called stating a fact. McMahon and his clueless cronies have continually overlooked Stacy for angles involving Jilian Hall, Christy Hemme (who they later fired, for no apparent reason), Candice, Torrie, Melina, Ashley and Mickie James. Not to do any of these Divas a disservice - they're a group of talented and well liked individuals. And Candice. But the booking of Stacy has been a running joke for at least two years now. All it's missing is a punchline, but I'm sure they'll bury Stacy in promos and angles once they get round to it. They've just got to finish with their vendettas against the Ultimate Warrior, JR and God first.
The ultimate irony is this. Stacy has more potential for storylines than ever before. She's a bona fide celebrity now, everyone in America knows her name and a return, even for one last appearance, could spike interest in the starless Smackdown. She's never even worked with Melina, Mickie and Candice before, so the list of potential storylines is endless. Smackdown also has wrestlers and tag teams who could do with a manager to establish themselves on the roster. And that's to say nothing of the potential angles stemming from the Dancing With The Stars screwjob, when she was rejected by the mindless voters for having a few dancing classes at the age of three (I'm reliably informed that women are the main voters in reality shows, so that may explain the jealous backlash). When you weigh it all up, it's quite embarassing that the WWE have nothing for her. They've apparently done nothing to coax her back to the company since DWTS, and can't be bothered offering her a new contract. Maybe they couldn't take the humiliation of her turning them down for Hollywood. There's a twisted irony in ex-Hollywood writers deliberately ignoring Stacy, then watching her leave for Hollywood as a result. I think they call it poetic justice.
Meanwhile, Smackdown has become a shambles. Due to a mixture of injuies, angles and suspensions for harassing women, JBL, Randy Orton, Batista, Mr. Kennedy, The Undertaker and Chris Benoit are all sidelined. As TNA draws 1.1's, Smackdown draws 1.9's. If a show headlined by Buff Bagwell and Lex Luger is closing in on you, you know you're in it deep. Keibler is best off without the WWE, and the WWE is poorer without her. Could someone remind Vince of this when he's firing all the Diva Search contestants in November?
Seriously, if it wasn't for Europe and Australasia the company's financial structure would be in severe trouble. Instead, the share price has risen to its highest level since the Austin era and Vince McMahon is now a certified billionare once again. The same Vince McMahon who fires injured wrestlers, newlywed couples and pregnant women because he can't pay their wages. For the record, he ended the last fiscal year $47million richer. Enough to make you sick.
On the subject of Vince's questionable business decisions, what the frig is going on with Stacy Keibler? Since her pointless trade to Smackdown last summer, she's seemingly been phased out of the company, as if she can't play a valuable role on the floundering Friday Night farce. For two months all she did was nod to Batista backstage, a task that Melina could just as easily have carried out (I hear she and Batista have a good working relationship). Then there was the half-hearted attempt to cash in on the Jennifer Aniston love triangle, in the Peep Show angle with Christian and Jilian Hall. You've probably forgotten it ever happened. Yet again WWE had a home run sitting on their lap, and they still threw it out the window. After her job to Hall on the inconsequential Velocity, she disappeared from the company. Seemingly never to return. I'd like to remind Vince that Keibler remained one of the most over Divas in the company, despite the booking committee forgetting she exists. The same Vince McMahon who lambasts Eric Bischoff for the demise of WCW, forgets that Bischoff booked Keibler as a prominent and successful character for two whole years. Her wedding to David Flair was one of the most watched Nitro segments of the year (I know that's a bit like saying Jade Goody has just had one of her most stunning photoshoots), and she arrived in WWE already established as one of the most popular women in wrestling history. If anything, WWE buried her. Remember her endless string of jobs to Torrie Wilson? The appaling, never-ending mess involving Test and Scott Steiner? Sure, Stacy was given the occassional four minutes of airtime over the years, but the writing was so bad you often wished they hadn't bothered.
The argument that Stacy owes the WWE a debt of gratitude for bringing her to the dance (as posted by some prat on the internet) is laughable. The WWE didn't hand Stacy all the endorsements, magazine awards and premiere invites of the last year; Stacy aquired them herself. The WWE didn't negociate her 'Dancing With The Stars' contract; she did. In fact, all the WWE have ever done is pressure her to appear in Playboy every March. But while Candice Michelle is more than happy to head to Hugh Hefner's seedy ranch (and get practically molested by Vince every Monday night), Stacy has quietly decided enough is enough.
Keibler: Had enough
Her most recent quote that, "They hadn't written anything for me before Stars, so why should I think they will now?" is not arrogant, conceited or ungateful. It's what's called stating a fact. McMahon and his clueless cronies have continually overlooked Stacy for angles involving Jilian Hall, Christy Hemme (who they later fired, for no apparent reason), Candice, Torrie, Melina, Ashley and Mickie James. Not to do any of these Divas a disservice - they're a group of talented and well liked individuals. And Candice. But the booking of Stacy has been a running joke for at least two years now. All it's missing is a punchline, but I'm sure they'll bury Stacy in promos and angles once they get round to it. They've just got to finish with their vendettas against the Ultimate Warrior, JR and God first.
The ultimate irony is this. Stacy has more potential for storylines than ever before. She's a bona fide celebrity now, everyone in America knows her name and a return, even for one last appearance, could spike interest in the starless Smackdown. She's never even worked with Melina, Mickie and Candice before, so the list of potential storylines is endless. Smackdown also has wrestlers and tag teams who could do with a manager to establish themselves on the roster. And that's to say nothing of the potential angles stemming from the Dancing With The Stars screwjob, when she was rejected by the mindless voters for having a few dancing classes at the age of three (I'm reliably informed that women are the main voters in reality shows, so that may explain the jealous backlash). When you weigh it all up, it's quite embarassing that the WWE have nothing for her. They've apparently done nothing to coax her back to the company since DWTS, and can't be bothered offering her a new contract. Maybe they couldn't take the humiliation of her turning them down for Hollywood. There's a twisted irony in ex-Hollywood writers deliberately ignoring Stacy, then watching her leave for Hollywood as a result. I think they call it poetic justice.
Meanwhile, Smackdown has become a shambles. Due to a mixture of injuies, angles and suspensions for harassing women, JBL, Randy Orton, Batista, Mr. Kennedy, The Undertaker and Chris Benoit are all sidelined. As TNA draws 1.1's, Smackdown draws 1.9's. If a show headlined by Buff Bagwell and Lex Luger is closing in on you, you know you're in it deep. Keibler is best off without the WWE, and the WWE is poorer without her. Could someone remind Vince of this when he's firing all the Diva Search contestants in November?
Saturday, May 20, 2006
Mysterious Ways
Smackdown. Written by Kevin Dunn and Stephanie McMahon, and overseen by Vincent Kennedy McMahon. A deranged, insecure, irrational mind. And Vince McMahon.
There was a time when Smackdown was the 'in' show. Kurt Angle, Chris Benoit, Eddie and Chavo Guerrero, Rey Mysterio and Edge would steal the show every Thrursday night in a series of matches that blew away anything on the HHH-patrolled RAW. While Monday night featured implied rape, racism without a punchline and negrophillia, Paul Heyman led Smackdown to some of its greatest shows, and produced ratings that the McMahons would pray for today. Not that Vince would find solace in praying, since he "beat" God in that tag match. Anyway, Brock Lesnar was getting over as Champion, and thanks to an inspired angle involving (of all people) the Big Show, Lesnar's mic work, in-ring presence and believability began to soar. How times change.
Angle is battling through unimaginable pain to prepare for a showdown with Mark Henry. Benoit is on Velocity. Eddie has passed away. Chavo is resting while WWE work out how to exploit him next. Edge is getting his progress blocked by Triple H and after his lawsuit Lesnar is, shall we say, not welcome at Stamford.
And then there's Rey Mysterio.
Measuring in at about 2"4 tall, Mysterio was always up against it. But after years in Mexico, Japan, ECW and WCW (where, I'm led to believe, he regularly stole the show only to be overshadowed by Kevin Nash's expanding ego), he finally made it to the promised land of the WWE. The Cruiserweight Division was a waste of his popularity, due to the company's inability to book them. So after the tragic death of Eddie, the company installed him as the new top Mexican babyface. Nothing wrong with that. The problems started when WWE lost all sense of logic and started booking Randy Orton as an anti-Eddie heel, referring to the Latino legend as "no saint" and saying he was in hell rather than heaven. Rey, defending his honour, just had to stand there and say, "I'll wrestle you anytime". Someone in WWE had the insane theory that this would get Orton over as a heel, and that the fans would turn on him, not the company who clearly scripted his heinous lines in the first place. No Way Out promptly flopped, as the show struggled to draw over 200,000 buys. Smackdown PPV's usually draw about 230,000-240,000 buys, so you do the maths. Not exactly worth exploiting Eddie's name for -20,000 buys, was it?
So they decided to change direction. Instead of fighting for Eddie, Rey would become the underdog champion, taking on all comers. One problem. The hardcore fans, those rather annoying types who still think John Cena isn't a worthy champion (*yawns*) turned up at WrestleMania ready to boo anyone who wasn't cool. After being booked as a squeaky-clean babyface who couldn't even beat Orton, Rey had suddenly become uncool. And the man who was so popular the week before that Kurt Angle was booed, found himself receiving a nasty reaction from the Chicago crowd. The proudest night of his life was somewhat soured by the petulent crowd reaction.
So what did WWE do next? Establish him as a winner? A credible champion? A draw? Why bother, they said. So they proceeded to job him out to Mark Henry and the Great Khali. To put it bluntly, Henry's wrestling outshines Khali's. And my goodness, that says a lot. But these weren't any old jobs, oh no - these were old school squash matches. The type usually reserved for lower-midcarders in the late 80's. Or Funaki. But here was your World Heavyweight Champion, the chief representative of the Smackdown brand, getting stood on by a man whose wrestling is more inept than BBC News 24's security. They were quite embarassing to watch, and made Smackdown look inferior, minor-league and irrelevant in today's WWE. But then came the coup de gras.
May 19th.
Of all the ways to bury Smackdown formulated over the years, this will take some beating. JBL introduced Rey's mystery opponent, none other than Kane. Good move, and an ideal way to publicise the release of See No Evil. The fact he's a RAW superstar should have been given a better explanation, but that was a minor detail. No, the problems arose when Kane chokeslammed Mysterio clean in the middle of the ring. At least Rey had some offence this time. But when JBL entered proceedings, accidentally blurted out "May 19th" and was subsequently chokeslammed to hell, all logic went with him. Kane just left the ring and walked out. Our Smackdown Main Event for Judgment Day lay in the ring after being decimated by a RAW upper midcarder - ONE RAW upper midcarder - 48 hours before the PPV. They couldn't have come up with a better way of destroying Smackdown's credibility if they'd tried. Who's going to buy Judgment Day now? Even more damaging, perhaps, was JBL's match commentary. As the crowd chanted for Eddie, Layfield bellowed: "These people don't care about Rey, they long for the glory days of JBL vs. Eddie Guerrero". Wonderful way of putting it, sir. And a wonderful way of ensuring that no-one's going to give a frig when you step into the ring with Rey on Sunday.
Kane: Bigger than Smackdown
Smackdown had problems before this angle started. It's in the toilet now. Difficult as it is to believe, it used to draw better ratings than RAW. Now it struggles to claw its way to a 2.6, as RAW basks in regular 4.0's. I know they've had an injury crisis, but a draft lottery would solve all thse problems. Oh I forgot, they tried that before, and they handicapped Smackdown even more. At least when WCW died, you could see they were running out of ideas, big names and money. But when one unified company is leading RAW to its most successful period in 4 years, and simultaneously running Smackdown into the ground, you just have to shake your head. And then cough up $35 every few weeks. As Coldplay would say, that's the hardest part.
Get well soon to Stacy Keibler, after her seizure on Tuesday night. Leaving WWE was the best move for her career and health, but not if the insane publicity schedule pushes her too far. Nothing is worth risking her health.
There was a time when Smackdown was the 'in' show. Kurt Angle, Chris Benoit, Eddie and Chavo Guerrero, Rey Mysterio and Edge would steal the show every Thrursday night in a series of matches that blew away anything on the HHH-patrolled RAW. While Monday night featured implied rape, racism without a punchline and negrophillia, Paul Heyman led Smackdown to some of its greatest shows, and produced ratings that the McMahons would pray for today. Not that Vince would find solace in praying, since he "beat" God in that tag match. Anyway, Brock Lesnar was getting over as Champion, and thanks to an inspired angle involving (of all people) the Big Show, Lesnar's mic work, in-ring presence and believability began to soar. How times change.
Angle is battling through unimaginable pain to prepare for a showdown with Mark Henry. Benoit is on Velocity. Eddie has passed away. Chavo is resting while WWE work out how to exploit him next. Edge is getting his progress blocked by Triple H and after his lawsuit Lesnar is, shall we say, not welcome at Stamford.
And then there's Rey Mysterio.
Measuring in at about 2"4 tall, Mysterio was always up against it. But after years in Mexico, Japan, ECW and WCW (where, I'm led to believe, he regularly stole the show only to be overshadowed by Kevin Nash's expanding ego), he finally made it to the promised land of the WWE. The Cruiserweight Division was a waste of his popularity, due to the company's inability to book them. So after the tragic death of Eddie, the company installed him as the new top Mexican babyface. Nothing wrong with that. The problems started when WWE lost all sense of logic and started booking Randy Orton as an anti-Eddie heel, referring to the Latino legend as "no saint" and saying he was in hell rather than heaven. Rey, defending his honour, just had to stand there and say, "I'll wrestle you anytime". Someone in WWE had the insane theory that this would get Orton over as a heel, and that the fans would turn on him, not the company who clearly scripted his heinous lines in the first place. No Way Out promptly flopped, as the show struggled to draw over 200,000 buys. Smackdown PPV's usually draw about 230,000-240,000 buys, so you do the maths. Not exactly worth exploiting Eddie's name for -20,000 buys, was it?
So they decided to change direction. Instead of fighting for Eddie, Rey would become the underdog champion, taking on all comers. One problem. The hardcore fans, those rather annoying types who still think John Cena isn't a worthy champion (*yawns*) turned up at WrestleMania ready to boo anyone who wasn't cool. After being booked as a squeaky-clean babyface who couldn't even beat Orton, Rey had suddenly become uncool. And the man who was so popular the week before that Kurt Angle was booed, found himself receiving a nasty reaction from the Chicago crowd. The proudest night of his life was somewhat soured by the petulent crowd reaction.
So what did WWE do next? Establish him as a winner? A credible champion? A draw? Why bother, they said. So they proceeded to job him out to Mark Henry and the Great Khali. To put it bluntly, Henry's wrestling outshines Khali's. And my goodness, that says a lot. But these weren't any old jobs, oh no - these were old school squash matches. The type usually reserved for lower-midcarders in the late 80's. Or Funaki. But here was your World Heavyweight Champion, the chief representative of the Smackdown brand, getting stood on by a man whose wrestling is more inept than BBC News 24's security. They were quite embarassing to watch, and made Smackdown look inferior, minor-league and irrelevant in today's WWE. But then came the coup de gras.
May 19th.
Of all the ways to bury Smackdown formulated over the years, this will take some beating. JBL introduced Rey's mystery opponent, none other than Kane. Good move, and an ideal way to publicise the release of See No Evil. The fact he's a RAW superstar should have been given a better explanation, but that was a minor detail. No, the problems arose when Kane chokeslammed Mysterio clean in the middle of the ring. At least Rey had some offence this time. But when JBL entered proceedings, accidentally blurted out "May 19th" and was subsequently chokeslammed to hell, all logic went with him. Kane just left the ring and walked out. Our Smackdown Main Event for Judgment Day lay in the ring after being decimated by a RAW upper midcarder - ONE RAW upper midcarder - 48 hours before the PPV. They couldn't have come up with a better way of destroying Smackdown's credibility if they'd tried. Who's going to buy Judgment Day now? Even more damaging, perhaps, was JBL's match commentary. As the crowd chanted for Eddie, Layfield bellowed: "These people don't care about Rey, they long for the glory days of JBL vs. Eddie Guerrero". Wonderful way of putting it, sir. And a wonderful way of ensuring that no-one's going to give a frig when you step into the ring with Rey on Sunday.
Kane: Bigger than Smackdown
Smackdown had problems before this angle started. It's in the toilet now. Difficult as it is to believe, it used to draw better ratings than RAW. Now it struggles to claw its way to a 2.6, as RAW basks in regular 4.0's. I know they've had an injury crisis, but a draft lottery would solve all thse problems. Oh I forgot, they tried that before, and they handicapped Smackdown even more. At least when WCW died, you could see they were running out of ideas, big names and money. But when one unified company is leading RAW to its most successful period in 4 years, and simultaneously running Smackdown into the ground, you just have to shake your head. And then cough up $35 every few weeks. As Coldplay would say, that's the hardest part.
Get well soon to Stacy Keibler, after her seizure on Tuesday night. Leaving WWE was the best move for her career and health, but not if the insane publicity schedule pushes her too far. Nothing is worth risking her health.
